There I was at four a.m laying in my bed, comfy as can be attempting to go back to sleep after my partner left for work. I was simply reflecting on things I have read earlier in the day, sorting through thoughts still circling above me, listening to the inner chitter chatter. My mind was on over drive (as it usually is). Of course I grab for the cell phone and get on some good-ol social media sites (blah I want to cut that habit) and randomly read, skim through, absorb all the crap, and then BAM! Worse then a bus hitting you then getting run over by a semi then an elephant stamped coming your way…I see something that sparked the senstivity. something that sparked my emotions to just pour out of me. The prayers come to please please please erase the image out of my mind, please let me forget, please let the suffering of living things come to an end. Im sure you can tell I saw something very traumatic. I am an empath and I am an overly sensitive person who can almost feel the suffering radiating off of an individual. Be it in person with no words ever being spoken or simply looking at a photograph. It is as if every image and pain I have felt from others burns into my soul and turns into my own pain and suffering. Lately, it has gotten worse and worse, more debilitating, and now I burst into tears. Before, I could contain myself before any scene was made. I sometimes wonder if others get me, if people look around and if the suffering truly bothers them too? I wonder how can a human being be so evil? I use to always want to approach a person with love and hold space for them, you know be respectful of what they are going through be forgiving. However, I simply cannot do that for a
person (I want to grit my teeth even calling them a person) who has no respect for a living thing, NO respect for life, and the life force within everyone and especially helpless creatures that walk this planet along side us. Im talking about abuse, cruelty, torture, murder. The ugliest things that go on, on our own mother earth from some evil “people”.
I try to wrap my head around the questions. The why’s the how’s the can this really be happening, can people really be doing these things. I guess it is so shocking to me because I can not imagine in any way shape or form, EVER, even thinking of committing such evil, heartless deeds. Even the thought kills a little bit of my soul inside…I just feel it shudder. I started to think about what I can do about it…
That is when the wake up call commenced. I have such a deep love for animals, for people, I have such a connection and sensitivity to emotions, to feelings, to to the pain and suffering of the world. It must be for a reason. It must be for something. I think about my purpose in life often and always ask my self what is my purpose what could it be. Then I think about my damn career always thinking what do I want to do, what will make me money, what will sustain my future family. All the crap questions! Nothing about what truly lies passionate inside me. I have been stuck and surrounded in this money chasing money hungry society. That the only way to live and be happy is chasing that dollar. I always tell myself oh but I will still do other things on the side of my career that will make me happy. WRONG. Simply an excuse. Today it hit me that I need to be more. I NEED TO BE MORE. I need to follow the deep rooted passions in my heart. I need to make a difference. I do not know where to start, I do not know exactly how I will do it, but I need to do it. It is like a burning fire inside of me, heating me up, making me feel alive. I haven’t felt this on to something about my life in awhile. However I do know this little fire has always been inside, has always been flickering, waiting for me to listen. I know I have always been a lover, I know I have always felt others pain and suffering, their emotions, I know I have always been deeply connected to the world in some way but instead of truly connecting and aligning with it on every level I have simply given it a head nod, the dumb hey whats up? Not today, not since four a.m. that bus, semi, elephant stampede that hit me this morning can hit me again and again. I have awakened to my true self and it is a need for me now. I need to be more. I need to change the things that are calling out to me and screaming for my help. I do not know exactly how or where to start but I will figure all that out with my new found fire.
I was so excited to wake up this morning and share it with the world! I hope each and everyone of you have that same fire burning inside you! Whatever it is follow it, listen to it, do not stuff that flickering passion away. Wake up to it. Where are you thoughts leading you to? What do you find yourself attracted to? What do you read about? What excites you, gets you going, riles up your emotions? What do you dream about when you hit the sheets? What floats around in those what you think are silly little day dreams? I bet it is your true self trying to awaken something inside of you. Dig deeper.