I am the enemy.

Here I am mind racing

Preparing to bring me down

bring me down into the ground

With emotions I lost control of long ago,

I am the enemy.

 

Debbie came to visit

her name disguised as mine 

here to bring me down down down 

drowning in my own negativity,

I am the enemy.

 

Take a step back I take a closer look 

Why this self induced harm?

Thoughts turned into a double edged sword

not razor sharp but a rather blunt blade,

I am the enemy.

 

Tired and done

Rise up above take control

Looking through different eyes to realize

I am the enemy.

 

But also the savior

 

 

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Four A.M. Wake Up Call

There I was at four a.m laying in my bed, comfy as can be attempting to go back to sleep after my partner left for work. I was simply reflecting on things I have read earlier in the day, sorting through thoughts still circling above me, listening to the inner chitter chatter. My mind was on over drive (as it usually is). Of course I grab for the cell phone and get on some good-ol social media sites (blah I want to cut that habit) and randomly read, skim through, absorb all the crap, and then BAM! Worse then a bus hitting you then getting run over by a semi then an elephant stamped coming your way…I see something that sparked the senstivity. something that sparked my emotions to just pour out of me. The prayers come to please please please erase the image out of my mind, please let me forget, please let the suffering of living things come to an end. Im sure you can tell I saw something very traumatic. I am an empath and I am an overly sensitive person who can almost feel the suffering radiating off of an individual. Be it in person with no words ever being spoken or simply looking at a photograph. It is as if every image and pain I have felt from others burns into my soul and turns into my own pain and suffering. Lately, it has gotten worse and worse, more debilitating, and now I burst into tears. Before, I could contain myself before any scene was made. I sometimes wonder if others get me, if people look around and if the suffering truly bothers them too? I wonder how can a human being be so evil? I use to always want to approach a person with love and hold space for them, you know be respectful of what they are going through be forgiving. However, I simply cannot do that for a person (I want to grit my teeth even calling them a person) who has no respect for a living thing, NO respect for life, and the life force within everyone and especially helpless creatures that walk this planet along side us. Im talking about abuse, cruelty, torture, murder. The ugliest things that go on, on our own mother earth from some evil “people”. 

I try to wrap my head around the questions. The why’s the how’s the can this really be happening, can people really be doing these things. I guess it is so shocking to me because I can not imagine in any way shape or form, EVER, even thinking of committing such evil, heartless deeds. Even the thought kills a little bit of my soul inside…I just feel it shudder. I started to think about what I can do about it…

That is when the wake up call commenced. I have such a deep love for animals, for people, I have such a connection and sensitivity to emotions, to feelings, to to the pain and suffering of the world. It must be for a reason. It must be for something.   I think about my purpose in life often and always ask my self what is my purpose what could it be. Then I think about my damn career always thinking what do I want to do, what will make me money, what will sustain my future family. All the crap questions! Nothing about what truly lies passionate inside me. I have been stuck and surrounded in this money chasing money hungry society. That the only way to live and be happy is chasing that dollar. I always tell myself oh but I will still do other things on the side of my career that will make me happy. WRONG. Simply an excuse. Today it hit me that I need to be more. I NEED TO BE MORE. I need to follow the deep rooted passions in my heart. I need to make a difference. I do not know where to start, I do not know exactly how I will do it, but I need to do it. It is like a burning fire inside of me, heating me up, making me feel alive. I haven’t felt this on to something about my life in awhile. However I do know this little fire has always been inside, has always been flickering, waiting for me to listen. I know I have always been a lover, I know I have always felt others pain and suffering, their emotions, I know I have always been deeply connected to the world in some way but instead of truly connecting and aligning with it on every level I have simply given it a head nod, the dumb hey whats up? Not today, not since four a.m. that bus, semi, elephant stampede that hit me this morning can hit me again and again. I have awakened to my true self and it is a need for me now. I need to be more. I need to change the things that are calling out to me and screaming for my help. I do not know exactly how or where to start but I will figure all that out with my new found fire. 

I was so excited to wake up this morning and share it with the world! I hope each and everyone of you have that same fire burning inside you! Whatever it is follow it, listen to it, do not stuff that flickering passion away. Wake up to it. Where are you thoughts leading you to? What do you find yourself attracted to? What do you read about? What excites you, gets you going, riles up your emotions? What do you dream about when you hit the sheets? What floats around in those what  you think are silly little day dreams? I bet it is your true self trying to awaken something inside of you. Dig deeper. 

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Love Note No: 8 It’s okay if you’re broke if it’s for the right reasons

Love Note No: 8 It’s okay if you’re broke if it’s for the right reasons

Do you know what I mean? Today I was reviewing my bank account (or shall I say lack there of ha) and I began the daunting task of budgeting, making sure you have enough money for this, for that, and then boom the paychecks are gone and you have no fun money (darn it that makes the millionth time in a row…). I work to be broke how about you? But you know today broke didn’t seem too bad. You wanna know why…well I looked around at all the love I have in my life and realized our household income is going towards providing for these crazy little creatures we call pets (ok ok we call them fur babies). We have two dogs, one cat, and a guinea pig. We live in an apartment which is also known as the town zoo (what can you say we love animals). I would not have it any other way. Sure if we had no furry critters roaming the house with extra mouths to feed we would have money to do all those others things people like to do with their money..like what is the word…shopping?

Nah I will just stick to buying dog food, dog toys, doggie beds, cat food, cat toys, cat litter, guinea pig food, guinea pig hay, guinea pig snacks, and produce. The list goes on trying to keep these kids happy but how rewarding is it knowing you are providing for them tender love and care and a good home and here they are loving you unconditionally and making you smile all the time because they are too darn cute. Awesome exchange I would say. So yeah I am ok with being broke because I would say a house full of love is a pretty darn good reason for that. Any body else agree? 

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Love Note No: 7 Peace is sometimes better than being right

Love Note No: 7

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I saw this picture floating around Pinterest then on Facebook and it seemed to have followed me around and definitely for a reason (the universe is funny isn’t it?). Remembering that sometimes peace is better than being right is not my favorite lesson I have learned, simply because sometimes a battle can leave you with scars and no one wants to back down after being wounded or challenged. But it has been a lesson I am needing in my life more then ever. From everyday stresses to touchy family troubles that I try to keep tucked away.

You begin to think to yourself when a battle is all said and done, and it has all panned out, your left with what? A win? Eh its not so great, you do not get a trophy just a strained relationship and I am sure many can attest to that. I have been in many of these battles with close loved ones and winning at the end of the day does not make me feel any better, even though when the argument is occurring it seems like being right is always the only way, the only objective, the only way to feel good (what a lie that is to ourselves). So this picture, this quote, is a great reminder that Peace is always the best choice. Peace does not mean giving up, it does not mean giving in, it does not mean surrendering, it simply means choosing to approach the other person with love and just say ok I do not want the war, I do not want the battle. I wish I would have chosen Peace many times before. It would have saved a lot of heartache and a lot of headache. But I am only human and slowly but surely I am learning and trying to remember to be selective in my battles. Our life is too short to be fighting in an egotistical war. 

 

 

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Love Note No: 6 Take the GOOD with the bad

Love Note No: 6 Take the GOOD with the Bad
 
I decided to write about a lesson I learned this week. Learning to take the good with the bad. So many times we let the bad things around us run and overpower our feelings, emotions, and overall life function (I have first hand experience with this being an Empath). I was trying to figure out how to write this post for some reason (writers block) but I read a terrible article about an adorable dog who had some horrifying things done to her at the hands of evil people. It immediately rushed sadness and tears into my day. My heart and soul always goes out to suffering, and being an empath its as if I take on the feelings and emotions of my surrounding environment be it another person, an article, or simply looking at a photograph. I have heightened sensititivty. Its always hard to look at the good around me when these negative things SEEM to take over. But the universe showed me a little lesson… That same day I watched a very inspiring and touching video. I started thinking to myself how the feelings of joy and happiness are so much stronger then their opposite. In the past I have never really stopped to allow myself to feel the differences and experience the powers behind both. It definitely opened my eyes to start taking the good things with the bad, and what I mean by that is really simmering in those good feelings, thoughts, and emotions and remembering how much joy they truly bring. Yes there will unfortuantely always be bad and negative situations around us which I think at times definitely deserve our recognition to pay our respects, moment of silence, or whatever you like to acknowledge, but always remember the GOOD will always overcome, even if in certain moments it does not seem so.  When bad things happen never forget to take the good things with it, it will put up a better fight 🙂
 
Also here is the video that lifted my spirits! I hope you enjoy. 
 
 
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Love Note No: 5 It is ok to not know

Here I go picking up where I left off with my love notes…

Love Note No: 5 It is OK to not know

Knowing is a big thing for me. I like to know everything, and I mean everything, that really is not an exaggeration. Im the lady who likes to know what’s always going on, where my future is going, why things are happening, why things aren’t happening, what’s the reason behind something, then what’s the reason behind that, what’s the answers to all of life’s questions and so on and so on…Yes Im THAT lady (sorry).

It is a scary thing for me to let go of all the wondering thoughts in my head that are searching for answers and reasons. I will say however that here and there (a little more recently lately…I think..but don’t ask my partner 🙂 ) I do try to let go of the control freak and it does feel good. It is a little sliver of bliss, where just for a moment I feel at peace and like everything is going to be ok. Just for a moment I accept it is ok to not know, its as if for a split second, time slows down and I am content with just being. It opens my eyes to the whole reaching enlightenment, that inner stillness, peace, zen.  Where your mind, body, and soul are quiet and in harmony. And like I said it is only for short periods of time but they are my little slices of heaven that keep me reminded that it is ok to not know and to just be. We must always hold onto these moments because they can create change within us.

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Neglect is the word of the day, week, month…

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Yes neglect is the word that has been deemed as my “describe a little bit about yourself” word. Don’t worry though I choose that for myself….Ha.

I have neglected myself, my health, my interests, my dreams, school, my relationship, friendships, my blog….

It seems that I let work, money, and stress run my life. At least admitting is the first step right? Is that what they say? Haha. I guess recognizing it and wanting to make changes is a good step in the right direction. I definitely need to suck the what I call poison thinking, out of my life. So today I am airing out my laundry! Saying sorry to myself, family, friends, bloggers, and all of the above for the past neglect and I’m going to move on from here and start shaping things up! Getting back on track.

I decided I need to:

Eat better
Workout more
Blog more
Enjoy more
Stress less
Talk and reach out more

And ill keep my list at that for now and add as I go, to not overwhelm myself since you know, I’m already in that sinking boat.

I decided also I will be going back to the way I originally was posting by using my outside life experiences and everyday encounters shape my posts, I seemed to enjoy that much more then confining myself to a specific set of topics. I mean I’m blogging for passion and enjoyment might as well be honest and write from the heart!

I hope you all do the same!

Love to all ❤

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Wait so I can be ANYTHING I want to be?

Ever since I graduated high school about three, eh almost four years ago I had a dream to go to college, get a degree, start a career. Yeah that did NOT happen! I got caught up with the whole work for money, move out, leave the parents (run quickly!)…and of course the parents were telling me no, no, no, stay go to school, but who listens? Okay maybe some kids do but I did not…

I ended up attempting to find my way through trying to go to school for business (did not work out), tried going back for teaching (did not work out again), tried going to cosmetology school (Im sure you can guess what happened here!). Now Im on my path into something that is a passion of mine: Holistic healthcare and healing. It took me awhile to figure out what I really loved and wanted to do, and to be honest I still have no idea the exact route Im headed with it, but today I realized that is A OKAY. Today I decided I am going to stop putting up my own roadblocks and just GO and DO. Im no longer going to beat my self up about not finishing school how I maybe should have to begin with, I am going to stop telling myself “Oh you cant do this you should have figured this out earlier in life”, blah blah blah you know the negative self talk (and yes Im working on fixing that little booger).

Letting go of all my own excuses and limitations felt completely awesome and liberating. I have allowed myself to be okay with the path Im headed on and the time it took to get there. I am excited for my future and to keep learning and going and I am going to become whatever I want to be, because I am not stopping myself.  I decided instead of always talking about a dream, talking about what I wanted to do, I am going to be about it. So today “Don’t talk about it, BE about it!” Just start somewhere, stop the excuses, and realize no matter what you will get to where you are supposed to be. Have no worry :] whats that lion king saying…. HAKUNA MATATA. 

 

 

devins blog pic

 

Taken from a road trip we went on, little lessons can be found in everyday things.

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Thanks Mom!

Kicking off we love YOU wednesdays with some special love today. We love you wednesdays is for admiring and showing love to everyone around us. Its so easy to forget about recognizing someone and spreading a little love when we are caught up in routine. I don’t know about you but when I make it a point to share with someone how much they mean to me, what they have done to make my day better, or recognize just a little something special and unique to them it makes me all HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY inside 🙂 anyone else get that?!

 

Today I am recognizing my wonderful mother, the women who brought me into this world and taught me how to love with her big giant unconditional warming caring love filled heart ( I can go on ). I get my wanting to spread love to everyone, and everything from her. She has this immense love for helping others and for animals. Who I am today I have her to thank! Her awesomeness rubbed off on me ( Thank Goodness! wink wink).

mom

My mom is pretty rad I must say. She is sassy, funny, sweet, caring, and a very strong women. Thanks to her mom, my grandmother, as well, we were all taught to be loving individuals. I learned that when you are presented with love you know how to give that in return.

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You ever run into those people who are grumpy pants, always in a rotten mood, crazy!
Do you ever just wanna shove that bad attitude they put out right back at em… Lets stop for a moment and just think maybe they are just needing a little love. Someone to present them with a caring heart and hold space for them. Shower them with the big ol red hearts! There is plenty of the four letter word to go around. Try to find the good in everyone and try to look past what they are putting out. It just might brighten someones day!

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Hey let me know anyone you want to recognize today! Put that love and appreciation for them into the universe!

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No time to waste.

Cheers to our first Love Your World Tuesday! And we surely have no time to waste.

No time to waste our garbage that is! Us humans go through huge amounts of trash daily. You see it littered on highways, landfills, we have trash cans at our homes, restaurants, stores, there is a place everywhere to hold our waste! This has to go somewhere….and that somewhere is the Earth  ( I know that is pretty obvious huh? ) but, take a look around, we are throwing away so much and it takes a long amount of time for most of our waste to decompose and be completely gone. It rots right here in our very own living quarters.

Why not recycle?

recylce

I feel like this word sort of how do I say this, DIED.  I use to not even think twice about what I was throwing away into that one gallon, plastic, kitchen bag and toss it in the garbage bin so the garbage man could take it away, away from my home for me to never have to think about or see again. WRONG. WRONG. WRONG. Everything I was throwing away could take over one hundred years to decompose. Yes one hundred plus! That is horrible for the environment, having this mass produced waste just piling and piling up into your beautiful, one of a kind, stinkified, landfill. It started to sink in one day after a trip to the library. There was a little diagram illustrating how long it actually takes for things to decompose. Some took a few years, others took hundreds! I started to look more closely at what I was throwing away. Can you imagine more then half the stuff I was tossing out should actually go in the recycle bin?

Just take a moment and think about what you have thrown away, I bet you at least five of those things can go towards recycling….was I right? I say we all give the world a little bit more love and be a lot more mindful of what waste we are contributing. Because what it comes down to is we have no time to waste! We do not have hundreds of years to keep our earth clean and beautiful, we only have today to make a difference.

Whip out that pretty blue bin and get to moving, Im right there with ya!     recycle 1

 

Decomposition Time:

Glass bottle – One million years

Plastic soda, water, tea bottle – Around 400 years

Aluminum can – Around 400 years

Plastic bag – More then 10 years

Tin can – Around 50 years

Compared to your fruits and veggies which can take maybe 3 months to decompose. That is a big difference. All of the above items can be recycled.

 

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